Pyar Ke Unusual Side Effects..

I’m sure many you of are aware, directly or indirectly, Viagra - the wonder drug has lifted many sagging spirits from depths of desperation. So, as a medicine it’s no doubt a stupendous success. However, this article suggests that as a social phenomenon (??come again??) it leaves many questions unanswered.

Reading the article triggered the dormant explorer in me . What exactly is a social phenomenon? And how many of those leave questions unanswered? I challenged some of my uber intelligent investment banking buddies to come up with few such social phenomena.
(What appears below is a highly sanitized version of their response)

Social phenomenon No.1: Can Pfizer make a Viagra chewing gum? Tag line: The longer you chew the harder it gets! (It is unclear from the above statement what exactly needs to get harder. I presume it’s not the chewing gum.)

SP No2: Do Chinese men use Viagra to avoid peeing on their shoes?

SP No3: Do African brothers use Viagra to pole vault across walls?

SP No4: Did Santa Singh use Viagra to get a raise in his appraisal meeting?

Ahem! Ahem! These I.Bankers i tell you.. punny fellows..

The report also claims that Viagra caused death of 109 patrons. You believe that? I think it’s a conspiracy to undermine Viagra sales. Why would any respectable multinational, with profit motive as raison d'etre, kill their unsuspecting customers? I know ciggie makers are doing just that and getting away with it, but they are rich and powerful, so it's ok. Hush. But if you think about it, if one does die minutes after consuming Viagra, it’ll be a serious challenge to close the coffin lid.

Meanwhile, younger folks have a different tale to report. The article above states that more than 1000 cases were filed on as many as 1500 side effects. what? One desired effect produces 1500 side effects? Apparently, Yes! Some of the less bizarre ones are – hold your breath - Color blindness.

Call me naïve and ruffle my hair all you want, but my question is, how did the patient notice that he was Color Blind? Was he trying to use his joystick as a brush? Or did he swallow the pill and try to paint the erection??

Another interesting side effect is Priapism. Priapism, like many other complicated medical terms, IMHO, was invented to make some insecure medical practitioners feel important. Translated in layman terms, Priapism is a condition where the patient is unable to close his zipper for upto 4 hours.

I will cite an armed forces analogy to make things clearer:

General: At ease soldier! Put your Johnson down!

Private: Negative Sir. Unable to take affirmative action for the next 0400 hours.

Army Physician: (after a through checkup of the bizarre projection) Roger that sir! This man is as stiff as Sunny Deol’s dancing.

An apt title for a movie based on this action thriller (or intense emotional drama) could be: Saving Ryan’s Private. No? How about Pole Harborer? Or maybe The Eagle will be landed??

Ok, I've digressed. Focusing our faculties back on the wonder drug's side effects, I present to you the freakiest of them all - Peyronies. A medical condition named after the French surgeon

François Gigot de la Peyronie (Meaning: “Francois got a Pyronie Weenie! Na NANA NA NA..”) which is colloquially known as (I kid you not!) “Bent nail syndrome”.

Patients diagnosed with Peyronie can observe their organs - over a period of time - take the shape of a “U-bend”. If the bend were to incline downwards it could add some freaky realism to the phrase “Go F@uck Yourself”. As I looked at the picture in this article (CAUTION: Explicit nudity involved. DO NOT open in office, unless you are serving notice period!), I remembered my science teacher saying “A picture can say what 1000 words can’t”.

So, dear readers, if you ever get desperate to raise your sagging spirits and have to chose “lifelong misery” or “An amazing 4 hours with Viagra”, I say, go for the pill buddy!

Apparently, lifelong misery comes free with the latter!